


dipping flowers

by princelogical



Series: My Poetry [1]
Category: Original Work, Poetry - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Gen, Poems, Poetry, Poetry - Freeform, tags will be added as i go along
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2018-10-21 05:52:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 2,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10679028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princelogical/pseuds/princelogical
Summary: poems that have walked me through the pains of growing up.





	1. growing up

When sloppy lines were simply  
fun times and not nails  
on chalkboards.  
when sharing beds was a sign of  
friends and nobody said  
sex without wide eyes or suit ‘n ties.  
crashing from the road into trees;  
broken bones and scraped knees.  
interclasped hands and shaking feet.  
everything was big and we felt so small.  
then everything got bigger,  
and we only got smaller.  
your father whispered, “don’t fail me too.”  
And what did you do?  
roller skates faded to roller blades.  
candied stripes went to cigarette lights.  
ice cream turned to a picture on the wall.  
your small heartbeat turned cold as ice.  
hands tight faded to bodies at night.  
but it never meant  
we did everything right.  
so let’s get up  
and try again.


	2. The Painting On The Mantel

Wearing a dress of pure white,  
inside a frame so tight.  
A corset tied tightly,  
with lace coloured like leaves.

Her hair rolled up in curls;  
his hair reaching towards hers.   
Eyes of the sky  
look into eyes of the sea.

Her smile is vast. | Her eyes are unsure.

His smile is small. | His eyes call her home.

He’s touching her back;  
with banded fingers.  
Bright tiles under their feet  
read  
f o r e v e r.

But under her gown,  
she wears running shoes.


	3. hm

There is nothing left to smile on.  
There is nothing left to brag on.  
There surely must be something short-sighted   
in the eternal arrangements..

I'd assume.

But I fear not.  
I fear vitality is but a lie.  
I fear I am a fool for this desire to shine.   
Is life a dismal tarn of nothingness?  
Is life void of hope?  
Of love?

Or is it only people   
who have so rapidly filled their brains   
to the brim with sordid "excellence" and sadism?  
I am but a girl  
who happens to desire little.  
However, a calm voice in this  
storm of life  
would be nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> felt a little burned out. wrote this. feel a little better lol.


	4. you dared me to speak my mind, so i did.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's a lot to miss

my light was a girl strewn about the couch, her hair messy, but eyes happy.

my light was you, in the winter, bundled, cheeks red, lips drawn, but eyes happy.

my light was us, ice cream freezing red fingers and shoving each other in the snow. 

you used to smile.

you used to be happy.

and i have watched your eyes dim and i faded from your sight. your eyes are pinned to other girls who sneer at my light. 

if i say i miss you, will it change a thing?


	5. Breathless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm suffocating

how can you breathe?  
isn't it hard to

b r e a t h e?

the air chokes me  
with toxicity;  
how are you still

b r e a t h i n g?

you tell me,  
eyes soft,  
eyes sad,  
but eyes kind:  
"stop putting a hand  
over your mouth."


	6. untitled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i hate u.

nights like these

tennis balls and rotten trees.  
lovers sex is lovers ex.

no one cares if you lose your mind;  
no one cares if your heart’s in binds. 

no one cares.

but i never cared that no one cared.

i just wish

you would care.


	7. starved

She covers her skin in glass  
and prays to not be cut.  
She coats her love in poisons  
and prays he won't die.

When he reaches for her soul,  
her body shudders and spits.  
All the wires and programs  
decide to quit.

She bathes in desperation  
and prays for quiet.  
She begs for God  
and prays for him.

As he gives up on trying  
and just lets her come,  
she shudders with emptiness  
and falls to his arms.

With sparks like fire  
they hit the ground.

And heaven said,  
"let them lay."


	8. untitled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there are nights my body is frigid and i wonder if it's all my fault.

Your legs were a solid, gentle presence beside me as we laid upon the couch.  
Our hearts felt like little fragile things and we were desperate to keep them safe.  
We hooked ourselves together and made a little cage.  
Our tiny hearts were happy, full of warmth and full of euphoria.   
We declared them safe. 

Winter wasn’t as cold as it could have been; our hearts were still safe.  
We snuck little kisses behind lace cushions and held each other dear.  
We were so blinded by gentleness and safety that we forgot to be cautious  
when winter started getting worse.

In February you told me you loved me and I got scared;   
you held me ‘til I calmed down and whispered it back.  
We proclaimed it on banners and flew ‘round the town, screaming, “Love hath not grown cold in hearts such as these!”

Summer came fast and I woke up with my face flushed; my eyes were so tired they bruised.  
I jerked to my senses, hoping to find you.   
My heart was still beating, rapidly so, but the space where yours once had laid, was no longer there.

I trembled and fought to shove your heart back in, but I soon opened my eyes to truth so harsh.  
Your heart had left me and I am still haunted;  
did your heart leave, because you no longer loved me?

For that, I can take…

or did your heart leave me, because I pushed you away?


	9. flashing screen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in that moment, i felt my heart drop to the floor and i forever lost faith in you.

The flashing screen  
made me scream  
and they all wondered why.

The flashing screen  
of beauty queens  
made me scream  
and you wondered why.

You left her alone  
for a stupid flashing screen  
and so I screamed,   
but you wonder why.

Your heart’s with another  
because of a flashing screen  
and they wonder  
“why does she scream?”

I screamed so loud  
and broke your screen  
and then you turned  
to me and screamed.

I carried your pieces  
of that flashing screen in my  
pile off baggage  
I carry each day.

I hope Mr. Right falls in  
love with me  
and not a flashing screen  
that makes me scream.


	10. test pages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hate to choose.

I was handed two cups  
one was yellow  
and one was blue.

They told me,  
“One drink.”

I dumped them both  
down the sink.


	11. My English Teacher Asked, “What Is Brave?”

On the subject of bravery-  
Wouldn't it be nice to be brave?  
To say, "I like the colour pink,  
but not blue."  
To say, "I don't like him,  
but I like you."

I wish I was brave.  
I watch you favour flowers over flames  
and I-  
I jump in the flames and weep.  
I want flowers  
I don’t want flames but-

If I jump out of the flames,   
I show the world I prefer flowers to   
flames   
and I prefer  
pink to blue and-  
to do that I must be

brave.

And I-  
I am not brave. 


	12. His Keypad

he breaks his bones on stone  
but he writes to me in stone.  
i think he writes to  
feel alive.  
i think my love  
loves to   
     love  
     because it  
     hurts.  
i think he’s a   
         masochist.


	13. I’m Sick Of Blaming You; I Miss You

I dreamed about you last night.  
You held me like I was precious  
and your eyes lit up  
when I talked about something silly.

Your hand laced in mine again  
like it once had.  
You laughed at my jokes  
and gently-  
God, you gently held me  
when I started to cry.

I knew you weren’t real.  
But I laced my fingers with yours  
and it was a shaky image,  
but I felt you in my heart.

You said, “I’m glad  
that we’re fixing this.”

And I’m reminded,  
waking up in a sweat,  
how I let you go  
in the most selfish way.

I said, “We can’t do this any longer.”  
but I never told you why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm becoming one of those girls who "can't let anything go." Whatever :P


	14. weight gain

I did the math.  
If I removed the depressive thoughts that hold me down  
I’d be fifty pounds lighter.

Not much.

I did the math.  
If I removed the thoughts of you  
I’d be twenty pounds lighter. 

Not much.

I did the math.  
If I sliced off the parts of me that hurt my mind  
I’d be one hundred pounds lighter.

Not enough.

All of me and still yet-

to me,

it’s never enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> insecurities are fun.


	15. wish me away

Wish me away,  
oh,  
wish me away;  
begging and crying, I ask you,  
just wish me away.

Find me some wings or throw me  
away.  
I cannot fly  
or provide you with love;  
I am not worthy to sit at your feet. 

I am the dirt at the bottoms  
of your shoes;  
just throw me  
away  
and wish me  
away.

Make me the fairy I dreamt  
to be,  
as a child with hopes  
and a bottle of air.

A child with wings that sat in her mind,  
rotting her friends’ smiles  
and the love in their heads.

I’ll wish me  
away if you’re too coward to try;

please wish me away,  
please.

Wish me away.

But over and over again;  
“No,” you say. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ,,,if i'm being honest, i'm glad you don't wish me away.


	16. Untitled

I’m lonely.

It hits me like a boulder because all I have done is pretend I’m not. I have friends and family, but amongst them I feel like an outcast, a stranger. The weird kid who’s not quite right.

I’m lonely.

I don’t know if it was before, during, or after the time I was with you. But you soothed it for a bit. Numbed it. I forgot how it felt to be cold.

I’m lonely. 

I feel like a stranger in a crowd of people I treasure. 

Midnight, it’ll hit me harder. 

I’m lonely. 

I’m lonely.


	17. untitled

I am sad.

Today is beautiful and the skies are blue.

The flowers bloom, happy and brand new.

My shoes shine

laces in a line.

But I still can’t deny

That I am sad

And don’t even know why.


	18. touch starved

I’m exhausted to my bones

and part of me blames you

for hollowing me out.

Your actions were wires that

cut into my heart.

But your words were soothing

and were like bandages to my wounded chest.

But our nights were soft

and you’d kiss my broken soul

and I’d forget it was you who broke it.

I’d forgive you to be held again as I was in those nights

for just one more night

because I am beginning to feel like I’ll never be

held again.


	19. toxic relations

She breathes their toxins

with an accepting grin.

She goes for everyone-

Women and men.

I am afraid she will

come for me.

But all I want

is for her to comfort me.

I am warned of her charm

and her devil like smile.

But pain will be worth it

to feel for a while.


	20. 3:46

i have an idea,  
my darling,  
my love.  
i have an idea,  
my darling,  
my love. 

let’s waste this night  
by holding onto the past  
and it’ll hold onto us.

because we still don’t have  
a bit of courage to just say  
“goodbye.”


	21. and then i awoke

my stars shall perish for you,  
my love.  
my heart goes out to you,  
my love.  
i shall strip myself of all i am for you,  
my love.  
i will tear apart my soul for you,  
my love.  
my suffering will be silent for you,  
my love.

you hold me like i am glass   
and whisper,

“i ask you for nothing,  
my love,  
only to love you  
and cherish you  
like the shining star that  
you are.”


	22. Untitled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I lost my uncle to cancer yesterday and sometimes I feel like writing is the stupidest and most worthless thing to do because it's so pointless. But God, I'd be lying if I said it doesn't feel relieving to word-vomit all my feelings onto a page. I wrote this Sunday, the last time I saw him. It was beautiful and sunny. Sometimes, beauty just feels wrong.

There’s a breath of fresh air

before the waves of grief flow over again.

 

There’s a second of relief or comfort

then reality is cruel again.

 

Moments you wish you were asleep

while you’re dreaming.

 

Your head gets busy

and you hate yourself for forgetting.

 

Greif feels like the whole world should go dark

but the sun keeps shining.


	23. a letter to humanity from time

i do not care if you are sad.  
i do not care that tears clog your eyes.  
I do not care if your throat is like glue.

i keep moving.

i do not care that the world is heavy.  
i do not care that you’re frightened.   
i do not care if you are mourning  
and i do not care if you are celebrating. 

i keep moving. 

i neither pity nor cherish you.  
i do not favour you or love you.  
i feel no hate or sympathy. 

i keep moving. 

eventually, your time will end  
but i will not.  
i do not care. 

i keep moving.

i care not that people die.  
i care not that there is pain.  
i will not stop for tragedy.   
you’re a fool if you think i will.

i keep moving.

do not try to stop me;  
you will only waste away,  
defeating a concept  
that barely exists in the first place.


End file.
